Sunday, October 15, 2006

I've Moved

Yes, dear reader you can now find my own brand of witty comments and more at

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Serious Political Debate

Bloody hell, yesterday's post could almost be deemed political. Thankfully, I think it's all over now and I'll soon get back to talking about birds and booze.

What I wanted to mention today was my bebo space. I'm not sure what it is, or what it does but I do know that I have one. So, if you want to check out my personal space you can do the very such thing at

Monday, May 29, 2006

Stop Your Moaning!

Thank Christ that's over. The bank holidays are always a very fraught period for me, while most of the population are sunning themselves and getting drunk at lunch time I'm forced to cook them food. It was all meant to be different this year, I was supposed to have left all this behind me, but the weight of my overdraft was hanging around my neck so once again I had to step into the breach and work in Cafe Sol. However, all is not lost, as I've survived this bank holiday it means I can cope with anything, so roll on the summer.

The title of this post however has nothing to do with the bank holiday, it instead refers to those university lecturers who feel that there work is going unrecognized and therefore deserve more money. Well, I've got news for you, you bunch of work shy intellectuals, you do fuck all in the grand scheme of things (Apart from Rob Miles, the only lecturer whoever seemed to give a damn). You don't give a shit about your course or your students, all you care about is your money making research. This is just another example of the unions getting greedy, obviously they think that the plight of the British car industry in the 70's was just an anomaly. If anyone, wonders why I'm feeling like this then come with me to a day of lectures at Hull University, where you'll experience not a lot of engineering but a lot of bureaucratic bullshit. So, come on Tony don't give into those money grabbing bastards, give them the sack if you have to, they won't be hard to replace. Actually, that's an idea Tony, while Gordon's in Africa while why don't you tell him to pick up a few chimps, put them in a suit and you've got more than enough to teach a University degree.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Questions Of Science

Right, reader it's time you gave something back to me. Everyday (or once a month) I spend hours preparing something to entertain you and now it's pay back time. Please can you help me solve these problems that leave me sleepless at nights.

1. The big cranes on building sites? How do they work, does a bigger crane come and assemble them in the night when no one is looking?

2. Can cat's get alzheimers? My cat, seems to be constantly eating. Either Whiskas are filling their pouches with crack or my cat keeps forgetting it's eaten.

3. June Sarpong?

If anyone get's all three right, they'll win a rake.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

You Know I'm The Jazzy Boy!

This week is the birth week of the greatest jazz trumpet player ever, a certain Mr Miles Davis. If Mr Davis was still alive today he'd have been a mighty eighty years old. So, in celebration of this you get a spiffing picture of Miles and also a link to Radio 3 which are playing programmes about him all week. So, come on guys and gals lets chase the juju train and get in a jazz trance.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Are Tesco And The Tories Merging?

Everyone knows that the Tories are full of shit, and everybody knows that Tesco are arseholes but after seeing a recent advert for Tesco's I'm worried that they're both peddling the same marketing crap.

I think my favourite slogan by them is this; "We'd also like to talk to you more when we plan our stores. We'll be working even closer with local communities on every new superstore, so we understand local issues and concerns better". Couldn't you just see Dave Cameroon coming out with this rubbish?

Well here he is doing just that, "There is more to life than money, and the time has come to focus on general well-being rather than amassing wealth" thanks for that Dave, how did you ever think of that?

I call on you, my loyal readers to stand up to this bullshit marketing and make a stand. So shop at Co-op and vote Lib Dem, and then you can be just as great as me.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Gotta Get Away From The City, It's Gonna Bring You Down

So I'm back in the rolling hills of the west country, whcih means that not much has happened. Because not much has occurred it doesn't give me much to talk about. However, I know how much you love to read my daily musings so I'm going to try and just waffle until you get bored and piss off.

So today, I'm going to talk about the average daily water consumption in Britain. Coming into these hot summer months I feel it's especially important to consider water consumption. The average Briton uses 150 litres of water a day while in Surrey they use a whopping 170 litres (what are you doing Matt?!). That seems a lot of water to me, so I'm going to give you some tips to cut down your water needs.

1. Don't flush the toilet.
2. Piss in the bushes (saves watering plants as well).
3. Drink more beer (more piss to water plants with) and stop drinking water.

That's all I can think of right now, so follow my advice and lets avoid a drought.